Thoughts While Walking My Dog
A Broken World, a Fragile Heart, and the Healing Power of a Good Dog
This article is from the original Chicano in Paris recently moved here to its new home.
I found myself in a strange head space at the start of 2025. There had been an attack in New Orleans that left so many people dead that it really should have shaken me. But it didn’t. The biggest shock to me was the absence of any real reaction internally. I am notorious for feeling things too much. But I read the news and skipped right on past it. That damn Loki gif playing in my head as I clicked onto the Sports tab on my Apple News.
In the days after there were other news items that were tragic and heartbreaking, but still… nothing. I felt like something had finally broken inside of me after the election. Palestine. Ukraine. Las Vegas. Kentucky Police killing an innocent man in his home.
In my mind I understood that the world was a dumpster fire. I just couldn’t bring myself to care. I said to more than one person, if the world wants to lose its fucking mind, let it. I was just so tired of caring so damn much for so damn long just to see the bad guys win so goddamn always.
Then I read the news about Jeff Baena.
My heart broke for his wife. The pain and the grief of losing your person like that. The senselessness of it all. I hurt for her knowing that she was likely feeling alone in a room full of people; waking up the next day forgetting for that second as she opens her eyes that he is gone. And then remembering. That sense of the world just going on like nothing happened and wanting to scream.
I was walking Dexter with these thoughts in my head as the wets rolled down my face.
That ugly voice in my head creeped up, you’re crying over a celebrity, dumbass.
But I wasn’t. I was crying for another human being and because I know grief too. It’s a special kind of hell; universal to all of us, but unique to each of us. As Dexter played with other dogs he met along the way and sniffed all the things I couldn’t help but wonder why this was hitting me so hard when there were so many people in New Orleans and Palestine and Ukraine and Kentucky all grieving for the loves they’ve lost.
I hope wherever she is, she is surrounded by an army of people who love her and hold her up when she cannot hold herself. That’s my wish for everyone grieving tonight and every night. And I wish the world could suck a lot less for the lot of us.
Dexter is very tear absorbent so I squatted down to where he is and buried my face in his little body. He sat like a good boy until he saw his chance to lick my forehead. I ended up sitting on the sidewalk laughing. I love that stupid dog.
https://www.cnn.com/2025/01/04/us/new-orleans-truck-attack-witness-video/index.html
https://www.lex18.com/news/covering-kentucky/neighbors-police-killed-man-after-serving-warrant-to-wrong-home
https://www.hits96.com/jeff-baena-aubrey-plazas-husband-dies-at-47/
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