Malaise

I'm feeling a kind of way lately.

Anyone else feel that malaise?

Last night I went to bed early (for me) and on my way to the bedroom I clicked on Apple News and saw that story about the FSU¹ shooting, then the story about Juan Carlos Gomez-Lopez.² That was all it took for me to lose the sleepy feeling and lay there, eyes wide open, filled with dread and contempt.

Eventually I did fall asleep, but when I woke this morning I felt that too familiar knot in my stomach.

And now I am sitting here one hour away from taking a WhatsApp call from a woman looking to escape the United States who would like to pick my brain about how we did it. That’s what America has become: a place to escape from for the marginalized masses singled out by the current administration. I fucking hate it.

Of course I will help anyone I can. It’s the bare minimum I can do.

But I keep thinking about conversations - actually, a singular conversation - I have had with my wife. First some background for those who are reading this with zero knowledge of ou…