Governor Hot Wheels
This is why I can't with liberals
This article is from the original Chicano in Paris recently moved here to its new home.
Today, the whole left side of the aisle is whinging because Representative Jasmine “Try Jesus, Do Not Try Me” Crockett had the audacity to call Governor Greg “I Got Mine, Now Fuck You” Abbott: Governor Hot Wheels.
Not since His Rotundity himself, John Adams, has there been such a cool nickname in politics.
But you wouldn’t know it to hear liberals tell it. They are furious with Rep. Crockett because… well, because they’re fucking stupid. No party is better at battling within over the absolute most insignificant nonsense. Governor Hot Wheels is in a wheelchair. We mustn’t mock that!
Dude, she didn’t mock him for being handicapped. She saw what we all see — the man is in a fucking wheelchair. And rather than pretend otherwise, she zeroed in and gave him a cool nickname that, if he were smart, he would mount on a plaque outside his office.
But that’s the thing. Abbott isn’t smart. He’s a right-wing ghoul who would rather people freeze to death than admit he’s in bed with energy companies. He’s a man who rails against government assistance while simultaneously cashing checks from the settlement he got after an oak tree fell on him. A guy whose entire political career has been dedicated to pulling up the ladder behind him while cackling about personal responsibility. If anything, Governor Hot Wheels is generous. It acknowledges the one cool factor he actually has, which is his set of wheels.
Meanwhile, as liberals and Democrats furiously take Rep. Crockett to task for the crime of being witty, watch what’s happening on the other side of the aisle. Pete Hegseth, Fox News darling and poster child for everything wrong with modern conservative grift, just casually shared military secrets over a fucking messaging app. Anyone else at any level of the military or their civilian intel counterparts does this type of thing, and they are in prison before they even finish their morning coffee. But what’s going to happen to Petey? A whole lot of nothing. The GOP will take a tongue-lashing from the media for a few days, maybe a week if we’re lucky, and then the conservative ecosystem will do what it always does—circle the wagons. Pedro will come through this unscathed, maybe even more famous in right-wing circles because “owning the libs” is more important than national security.
And all the while, liberals and Democrats will clutch their pearls and lash out at my girl Jasmine because that is who they are.
This is the same energy that made them turn on Al Franken while letting actual sexual predators remain in positions of power. The same energy that had them endlessly debating whether calling Donald Trump a liar was too harsh while he was out here openly committing crimes. The same energy that sees them more outraged about a mean nickname than about Abbott turning Texas into a testing ground for theocratic authoritarianism.
Republicans know how to play the game. They know how to win. It doesn’t matter if they have to lie, cheat, or steal; they will get their people across the finish line. They’ll turn a traitorous conman into a martyr. They’ll take a scandal and turn it into a rallying cry. They won’t let something as minor as, say, their guy *literally inciting an insurrection* stop them from backing him 100%.
Democrats, meanwhile, are the political equivalent of a high school debate club that just read the rules for the first time. They seem convinced that if they just follow parliamentary procedure hard enough, the Republicans will one day shake their hands and admit they were wrong. And when one of their own steps up and actually fights fire with fire, what do they do? They trip over themselves to disown them. They rush to correct the record. “Oh no, we would *never* condone something so cruel and unseemly as calling an asshole governor by a clever name.”
Well, guess what? Politics is cruel. It is unseemly. It is *not* a place for fragile egos and hand-wringing. The GOP figured this out decades ago, and they’ve been running circles around Democrats ever since. They had Karl Rove whispering that John McCain had an illegitimate Black child in 2000. They had Mitch McConnell stonewalling Obama’s Supreme Court nominee like it was just another day at the office. They had Donald Trump’s entire presidency, which was a masterclass in breaking every rule in the book and daring anyone to do something about it.
But no, tell me more about how calling Greg Abbott “Governor Hot Wheels” is the real moral failing here.
The problem isn’t that liberals don’t know how to fight. It’s that they refuse to. They *choose* to police their own more aggressively than they ever police their enemies. They would rather eat their own than risk looking impolite. And so, they lose. Over and over and over again.
Jasmine Crockett is a fighter. She’s sharp, she’s quick-witted, and she’s not afraid to say what needs to be said. And instead of rallying behind her, instead of recognizing that her approach is exactly what’s needed in this bare-knuckle political era, liberals are doing what they do best: missing the damn point.
Governor Hot Wheels is a great nickname. And if Abbott had an ounce of self-awareness, he’d slap it on some merch and lean into it. But we all know he won’t, because Republicans are only good at dishing it out, not taking it. And Democrats? Well, they’re just good at getting in their own damn way.
https://thehill.com/homenews/house/5213119-republican-criticism-crockett-comments/
https://apnews.com/article/war-plans-trump-hegseth-atlantic-230718a984911dd8663d59edbcb86f2a
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